Day 8

Last night Holly's new morphine side effect became apparent. She is having very vivid dreams which involve her either moaning or shouting out frequently throughout the night. The has caused me to nearly have heart failure each time she does it as I jump up and attempt to soothe her, only to find her sleeping peacefully.

She is again better today, and the docs are pleased with her progress. She has had an unfortunate time with her new nose tube today and has managed to cough it up twice. It hurts more now to put it down as her throat is very sore but she has coped really well with it and been very brave. She did, however, shout at our lovely nurse putting it in that the nurse that did it last week was much quicker! Holly was very apologetic afterwards...

Although she slept through the afternoon she has been awake and even talking a bit this morning and all evening, and I can see my normal Holly is starting to return. Her hair (which had grown back all over as short fuzz) is coming out. She looks like she has a flat mohican as she has rubbed all the hair off the sides from lying down. She has also lost all her eyelashes and some of her eyebrows.

Although all her blood counts are very very low her neutrophil count has gone from 0.00 (which it has been for the last week) to 0.01. Only a small increase but hopefully the start of the upward climb. Now we only have to wait for them to get to 1.00 and she can some out of isolation!

Day 7

Holly had a better night and looked better to me when I arrived this morning. The sickness is loads better and, although still in a lot of pain, she is brighter.

She was awake for most of the morning but then slept most of the afternoon. There has been nothing particular happening today, just the usual round of medicines and anti-biotics.

Holly had some visitors today. Nana and Nanu came to visit for a while with Dad.

Holly's nose tube (which has become invaluable) came out tonight after a particular strong bout of coughing up mucous so she will need to have it re-inserted tomorrow. Hopefully it will a lot less upsetting than last time as she knows exactly what to expect.

I can definitely see an improvement today so I am hoping that this continues.

Day 6

Holly had an ok night, much the same as previous nights. Although there isn't a marked improvement in how she is feeling, she isn't any worse. The docs have once again re-iterated that by the end of this week she should be feeling better.

She has had a quiet day but has managed to watch some tv. Her mouth is still very sore so they are trying some new mouthwash medication that should help ease the pain. She must have had fun with Dad and Kirsty today because, once again, I was told my presence wasn't needed tonight and it would be ok if I came back tomorrow. This was fine with me, I am feeling a little tired and could do with a good nights sleep.

We have had a wonderful day today. Julie and Louise had organised a sponsored 80s aerobathon in aid of Holly and the Neuroblastoma Society. Myself and Izzy decided to take part (only for the last hour!) and we had a blast. Harry also enjoyed himself as you can see from the picture. I was very overwhelmed to see so many people taking part. The Neuroblastoma charity needs all the publicity it can get as it gets very little funding. The local paper came down and took photos and Holly is hoping to get her story in print! Izzy proved herself to be naturally talented and co-ordinated...

I am back to Cambridge tomorrow morning feeling refreshed and ready to face the next week. Many thanks for all your kind wishes and messages. They are much appreciated.

Day 5

Holly had an ok night. She was sick once a few times and also quite restless.

The doc came round this morning and she told Holly that, although she was feeling rubbish, she promised that she would be feeling better very soon. I could tell Holly didn't believe her!

She told me she didn't want me to go home but, for the sake of the both of us, I needed to. I really needed to see Ben and the Little Monsters. We have had a lovely afternoon. It was Little Cousins Gracies birthday so we spent the afternoon with them playing in the garden. I had a wonderful phone call while there. Holly had instructed Dad to call me to let me know she was "fine". She had been up and had a bath and was currently reading some magazines. I was so happy to hear this. She hasn't moved (apart from the toilet) from her bed for the last couple of days, so this felt like a huge breakthrough.

She was sleeping when I called later and didn't need me back. Therefore we have had a lovely dinner and a sneaky few glasses of wine. Much appreciated...

Day 4

Holly has been quite restless. She doesn't seem to be able to get into that deep sleep to have quality rest.

Her temperature is still up a bit so the docs decided to do a CT scan to check to see if there is any infection in her chest. This was clear so we are still in the dark as to where the infection is but this is also "quite normal". Although it is reassuring to know what Holly is going through is normal it doesn't make it any easier. The docs have added another antibiotic to the mix to try and clear the infection. Her heart rate has also been up today but again this is normal when fighting off infection and they will just keep an eye on it.

She has been very sick again today but this has eased off throughout the afternoon.

I really hope that things start to improve soon as I feel all I am doing is posting how awful things are. I promise that I will try and have some cheerier posts asap! On a brighter note I am hoping to get back home tomorrow for the weekend again, all being well.

Day 3

Last night was pretty awful. Holly was sick lots. I had lots of strategically placed sick bowls around both beds so I was pretty confident I could lay my hands on them in the dark and with very little notice! She was quite comfortable after each time though, because she was asleep within seconds of being sick. I, however, found myself wide awake and reading at 4.30am.

This morning carried on in the same way. The docs upped her anti-sickness meds and this afternoon has been a bit better. The last two bags of stem cells were given today so that is the end of another stage. This should hopefully mean that the nausea should start to ease. I so hope that Holly will now start to feel a little better. She is very very quiet and that is not Holly. She is feeling totally fed up and I don't blame her.

She has just fell asleep now and I am hoping she gets to have a peaceful night (me too!).

Day 2

Holly had another comfortable night.

She is still feeling and being sick so is very quiet and subdued at the moment. She had platelets this morning and then it was time for her nose tube to be inserted. She was a bit upset at the beginning as it is quite unpleasant. The nurses just insert the tube into her nose and thread it down her throat and into her stomach. It is over very quickly and once Holly realised that, she let them do it. I cuddled her as they did it and it wasn't as traumatic as I thought it would be. This is possibly due to the efficiency and kindness of the wonderful nurses. I had debated leaving the room as they did it but I am very glad that I was there to hold her hand.

Holly's day got considerably brighter this afternoon. We had some "celebrity" visiters to the ward. Sam and Mark (CBBC presenters and former Pop Idol finalists) came to see Holly and brought a huge smile to her face. They stayed and chatted for a while and gave her some signed photos. It was great to see her so happy with them. Baring in mind she hadn't spoken all day (I am getting proficient at sign language as her throat is sore), she managed to say "they were cute!". I had to agree.

Two bags of stem cells today and two more tomorrow. Then hopefully the sickness will start to ease and the recovery process can begin.

Dad and Kirsty came to visit tonight so I took the opportunity to go for a long walk around the hospital grounds. It was a good way to blow off the cobwebs and have a break.