A month has passed since Holly became an Angel.
I don't really know what to say, except it doesn't get any easier.
Life has settled into the "new normal". I think I am doing ok until something reminds me and I feel like I have been punched in the stomach. There is a constant ache and a constant feeling that my baby isn't with me. Don't get me wrong, I laugh and have a great life at home with Ben, Izzy and Harry but I just don't feel like a whole person. A huge part of me is missing and I don't know if I will ever feel like I used to.
Surprisingly I feel a great calmness going to the cemetary. It took me ages to go and now I feel drawn there all the time. I feel close to her there. Izzy likes to come with me and we potter about, adding water to the plants and flowers and bringing something with us each time we go. Izzy talks to Holly there and we call it Holly's Special Place. She is buried amongst other children and it is so peaceful, especially beautiful on a warm summers day. I have decided not to take Harry with me as he is very inquisitive and brought me a toy car off a little boys grave!
I am delighted to say we raised £2252 in Holly's memory to be split between Families Against Neuroblastoma and The Sick Childrens Trust. These are 2 charities that are very close to our hearts and have helped us through this journey.
I want to thank everyone for all your kind messages, letters and cards. I have been overwhelmed by how much Holly touched peoples lives and I feel blessed to have been her mum for 12 years.
It just wasn't long enough....
