Ticking Along

Holly is doing so well. Tuesday was the last day of this months retinoic acid. I think we are both delighted with this. Not only does it make Holly's skin incredibly dry and sore but it is a total pain in the neck to prepare. During the 2 weeks off her skin repairs and looks so wonderful. She has had a momentous week, she has enjoyed her first proper shower in over 9 months. It must have been good because she has been in and out of there ever since!

December is going to be such a busy month (as it is for everyone!). Holly will be 12 on the 2nd December. What a wonderful day that is going to be. Back in February I never dared look forward to her birthday, never mind Christmas, but I am determined to celebrate how well Holly is doing and the simple fact that she is here with us. She is keeping us busy with her lists of presents for the birthday fairy and Santa! Unfortunately she knows Santa is actually me, but she is enjoying making it special for Izzy and Harry. Izzy is at that magical age where she is so believing. I am so going to relish having the 3 of them opening their presents and eating their dinner together.

I am very lucky. Holly is well, Izzy is going to be a shepherd in her first Christmas nativity play and Harry is, just Harry. I have so much to be thankful for.

A Few Words...

New Shoes

I am wearing a pair of shoes.
They are ugly shoes.
Uncomfortable shoes.
I hate my shoes.

Each day I wear them,
and each day I wish I had another pair.
Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I do not think I can take another step.
Yet, I continue to wear them.

I get funny looks wearing these shoes.
I can tell in others' eyes that they are glad they are my shoes and not theirs.
They never talk about my shoes.
To learn how awful my shoes are might make them uncomfortable.

To truly understand these shoes you must walk in them.
But, once you put them on, you can never take them off.
I now realize that I am not the only one who wears these shoes.
There are many pairs in this world.

Some women ache daily as they try and walk in them.
Some have learned how to walk in them so they don’t hurt quite as much.
Some have worn the shoes so long that days will go by before they think about how much they hurt.
No woman deserves to wear these shoes.

Yet, because of these shoes I am a stronger woman.
These shoes have given me the strength to face anything.
They have made me who I am.
I will forever walk in the shoes of a woman who has a child with cancer.

~Author Unknown

This has been shamelessly stolen from my wonderful friends blog, just says it all.

Hectic Weekend

I can't believe its gone! Holly's Hickman line was taken out on Friday.

It was all very straightforward, Holly got a little upset before (this is normal, she always panics that she won't wake up from the anaesthetic). I found it very, very emotional. This line has, quite literally, saved her life. It has gone now.

Holly is very matter of fact, she just can't wait to have a proper shower and go swimming.

Holly spent the weekend with Dad and Kirsty and had a fab time at Lakeside (spending some of her winnings from last week).

I spent Saturday at New Scotland Yard at a conference all about Neuroblastoma. It was really interesting and some very eminent doctors spoke. There were a lot of positive things to take away and in particular a new antibody treatment that has just been approved and will be available from January. A lot to think about.

Holly will be back at school tomorrow. I, on the other hand will be spending the day at The Sanctuary in Covent Garden. This is an amazing spa that (along with Sis and Mum) I am going to be totally pampered at and (hopefully) completely relax. I want to say a huge thank you to my lovely Ben for being a fab dad, and looking after Izzy and Harry so well this weekend (and tomorrow!).

Hickman Line Coming Out!

After speaking to Amos on Tuesday it has been decided (due to Holly's very adamant stance!) that Holly's Hickman line can come out. Addenbrookes phoned today, it is coming out tomorrow!!!

This is her central line which was put in when she was first diagnosed in February. It gives immediate and constant access to a central vein for blood tests, blood products, drugs and chemo. It has, quite literally, been a life saver.

Holly is so excited that it is coming out and can't wait to be able to have a proper shower and go swimming.

I am finding this a quite emotional time. This brings it home that her treatment is nearly at an end. What a long way we have come, how amazingly Holly has battled this illness, how life has changed this year.

And The Winner Is.......

Holly!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Holly was the well deserved winner of the Child of Courage award at the Mercury Community Awards on Wednesday night.

It was an amazing night, very emotional. Holly was really nervous and all her earlier bravado deserted her as her category got closer. There were a few tears shed. Her prize is a night out to London to see Hairspray and then meet the cast on the 4th December. This is just 2 days after her birthday so it should be a great night. She also received some money to go shopping.

My lovely brother-in-law had also nominated me as Carer of the Year and I was totally gobsmacked to win it. I don't see myself as a carer, I'm just Holly's mum doing what any mum would do. My prize is a 2 night stay at Champneys Henlow Grange! I think he had second thoughts after I won though, as I will be taking my sis so he will be left with the kids (sorry Steve!).

I was so proud of her. It was a fantastic way to round off the last 9 months. A good night, with great friends, lovely food (and plenty of wine!)

I would also like to thank Val and Keith for the lovely cards. xx